I Am Different


I look like same with other people

I can go everywhere I want

I can move to other place freely

I can speak clearly

I can listen well by my ears

I look perfect from outside, but not at all

not everyone know me, what happen with me

what is my burden only I and God who know it

I can not refuse all burdens God give to me

a disease which attacks me has made me knowing one important thing

however, I don’t know why God give me this disease

sometimes, I think about His reason why He choose me for bearing this disease

but, until today, I don’t find the answer

I don’t know the reasons

since I know about my childhood was not good, I start to think how to change all into better

I was very shock, when I know the real

I could walk normally when I was 2 years old

it’s too late for me, but I know, it had been happened

I can not ask God for returning me into the past

there are so many bad reals about my childhood

my parents told that I born too fast 2 weeks

then, I had a bleed in my cerebellum

I was very shock and can not imagine my distress when I was a baby

nonetheless, I have recovered by God

I can study normally and get good score

although I never get an achievement in my life

I am different with my sisters

they have so many achievements and their score at school are better than me

maybe I am the second in our brotherhood, but I think,  I am the third for ingenuity

because of that, I feel, I am lost

I think, I am the dumbest one

I can not make my parents proud of me

they must fund all my treatment which is not cheap

their money has been exhausted because of my body is always problematic

however, now I know that God has a different ways for me

every my suffer is His choice

He has chosen me for enduring all

I try to receive it, although sometimes it’s very hard for me

I learn how to receive this circumstance well

receiving all possibilities which maybe make me stronger

it reminds me about my parents’ sacrifice, so I can recover and always health like other people

I eat medicine everyday

I go to the hospital almost every year

relating with doctor and medicine are usual for me

nevertheless, it had made me very bored if I should eat medicines everyday

relating with injection every month

because of that, it can be my fight for releasing from drugs

dependent with drugs can make me feeling bored

I want to release from drugs, but not now

maybe later, I don’t know when I can leave the drugs

let God determines the best time for me

I receive everything God chooses for me

I am ready if I can not recover

I know God is fair, He give me skills, but He also give me weaknesses

not only me, but everybody also like that

one person has skills and weaknesses

even, there are so many people who don’t perfect like me

maybe my distress doesn’t have meanings than them

I always thankful to God I still can do everything like other people, although my motion is limited

I grateful with everything I have now

I have family who love me a lot and expect I can recover as soon as possible

I have so many friends who always encourage me

though this life has so many pressures and challenges, I must raise up from my downturn

learning how to always thinking positive

I know it’s not easy, but I know I must do it

so I can enjoy my life, though there are so many problems

I believe that God never gives a problem which can not we pass it

He knows our skills and our weaknesses

because He has created you and me as now

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